How Often Should You Call Your In-Laws?
Quick Answer
Every 1 to 2 weeks is the sweet spot for most families. Adjust based on your relationship and their expectations.
In-law relationships are some of the trickiest to navigate. Call too often and you feel suffocated. Call too rarely and you're the one who 'never reaches out.' Finding a rhythm that works for both sides takes intention — and a little help remembering.
The Short Answer
For most people, calling in-laws every one to two weeks strikes a healthy balance. Close relationships may warrant weekly calls. More distant or complicated relationships might be comfortable at twice a month. What matters most is consistency — sporadic calls feel obligatory, while regular ones feel like a relationship.
By Relationship Dynamic
Close and warm relationship Weekly. If you genuinely enjoy talking to your in-laws, a quick weekly call keeps the connection strong. Even 15-20 minutes goes a long way.
Cordial but not close Every two weeks. Enough to show you care and keep them in the loop, without the pressure of filling conversation every week. Texts or photos in between calls help bridge the gap.
Complicated or strained Every 2-3 weeks, with shorter calls. Boundaries matter. You don't have to force intimacy, but consistent contact — even brief — shows respect and prevents resentment from building on either side.
Long-distance or different time zones Every 1-2 weeks, scheduled at a consistent time. Time zone juggling makes spontaneous calls hard. A standing "Sunday afternoon call" removes the friction of coordination.
Why It Matters
Research published in the Journal of Marriage and Family shows that the quality of in-law relationships has a measurable impact on marital satisfaction. Positive in-law relationships reduce stress on the couple; strained ones amplify it. And the most common complaint from in-laws? Not frequency of contact itself, but feeling forgotten.
The dynamic is especially tricky because it often falls on one partner — usually the one whose parents they are — to manage the relationship. When that person forgets or avoids calling, their spouse can end up absorbing the guilt or becoming the de facto relationship manager for a family that isn't even theirs by birth.
Regular, low-pressure calls prevent the buildup of "we never hear from you" tension. They also give grandparents consistent connection to grandchildren, which research consistently shows benefits kids' emotional development.
How to Remember
In-law calls tend to get pushed to "later" indefinitely. Life is busy, the call feels like a task, and suddenly it's been a month. A Don't Forget Me tracker at 14 days keeps it visible. When the tracker turns amber, make the call. It's rarely as long or as difficult as you imagined it would be.
If the calling falls disproportionately on one partner, consider setting up the tracker as a shared responsibility. Both partners seeing the tracker normalizes the task and prevents the default "your parents, your job" dynamic.
What the Experts Say
Dr. Terri Apter, a psychologist at Cambridge University and author of What Do You Want from Me?, notes that in-law conflict is one of the most common sources of marital stress and that regular, boundaried contact is the most effective prevention. The American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists recommends establishing predictable communication patterns with extended family to reduce ambiguity and unspoken expectations. Research from Pew Research Center shows that adults who maintain regular contact with parents and in-laws report higher overall family satisfaction.